Margaret Ward Tribute Onlinetributes.com.au

Kerri’s Tribute & Family Thanks – Margaret Mary Ward (aged 75 years) – Delivered by Diane Diamond at her Funeral Service held on  4 September, 2009

Thanks Daryl for reflecting on some of your times spent with Mum.  We are indebted to both you and Barbara for all that you have done and contributed to her life  - you have truly been wonderful friends to our family.

Our family is very much going through a mix of emotions as we grieve the loss of Mum. There is great sadness and at the same time an enormous sense of relief.  The sadness centres around losing ‘the matriarch’ or ‘heartbeat’ of our family and relief in that she is no longer suffering or in pain.  The last stage of Mum’s battle with cancer has torn at all our hearts and we are relieved that she now rests in peace.  Mum died on Friday after only being in hospital for two days and all of her immediate family and some of her closest friends got the opportunity to say their goodbyes to her on Friday.     Cancer has not been the only thing that Mum has battled in more recent years.  Firstly Mum experienced the loss of Andrew in 2004 and then 2 years later losing Marc in 2006.    Mum was never the same fun loving person after losing the boys. Life simply didn’t have the same appeal once she lost them and we know her only wish was to be reunited with them. Hopefully,   Mum and Marc are playing darts or cards and Andrew is in the kitchen cooking up one of his signature dishes and opening a fine vintage bottle of Champagne to wash it all down!!

Some of the clearest memories I have of Mum was her incredible work ethic and how she tackled adversity throughout her life – every time she was ‘knocked down’ she would find a way to bounce back.  Having been brought up by her parents who owned the Kyabram Pub she knew what hard work was and she was prepared to do anything to ensure that us kids were fed and cared for although she was a single Mum. In particular when she ran her Boarding House in Kooyong Road she worked long and hard to provide for us.

Mum always showered me with expressions of love throughout my life, whether it was in writing after a special holiday or weekend together,   or over the phone when she always finished the conversation by saying ‘Love You’.

Mum tried to convince us kids that she could have won Wimbeldon on more than once occasion!  Given that we never saw Mum play tennis throughout our childhood and teenage years Marc and I would give her plenty of stick and tell her we thought she was somewhat ‘delusional’ about her level of talent!! I must say my thoughts on this didn’t change after I first saw her play tennis when I was visiting her and Ted in the Philippines – she was definitely no Evonne Goolongong in the making!

Tennis player she wasn’t but Mum definitely glowed in the dark and loved being the life of the party when the occasion arose!! I have endless memories back in the 70’s and 80’s of the parties that included the Bunnings, the Robinsons, The Willis’, the Swan’s, the Lacey’s and many more. Parties were not contained to just Birthday’s, special milestones, Easter, Melbourne Cup Day, or Christmas – with Mum they were a weekly affair!! Loud music and cask wine (or on those very special occasions when the budget allowed it – bottles of Ben En) were a signature of every party.  I am pleased to say she eventually moved on from the Ben En and over the years we have spent many a time together enjoying a New Zealand Sav Blanc or two or was that three!!

To me Mum was    and always will be     a great source of inspiration.  I was very fortunate to enjoy so many great times with her throughout my life and in particular throughout my adult life.  Some of the most memorable times with her was when she came to stay with me or when we were on holidays together.  We both enjoyed warm destinations, swimming, relaxing, reading the paper, enjoying fine food, wine and playing cards or other parlour games for hours on end.  Mum would rarely beat me at backgammon but the same could be said for her as she had my measure     when it came to playing Rummy Tiles.      

I will also miss our weekly discussions dissecting the latest St Kilda win or loss and I know if the Saints do make it to the Grand Final that you will be watching the game with all those other St Kilda supporters in Heaven! Let’s hope in 2009 the boys can bring home       the Premiership Cup.

To me Mum’s happiest years were when she joined Ted whilst he was working overseas.  She was ‘free’ of the normal day to day responsibilities and thoroughly enjoyed the ex pat ‘party’ lifestyle. She formed many wonderful friendships and particularly enjoyed living in the Philippines and Laos.

Mum loved living in Mornington which was such a natural place for her to ‘retire’ too    given how many  special family holiday’s she had spent at the Dwyer holiday home or on the Mornington Peninsula.  Endless family gatherings were enjoyed outside in her beautiful garden.  Mum loved the outdoors and whenever at home enjoyed sitting and pottering in her garden.

As a family we have been inspired by the way that Mum has battled and beaten cancer for over 30 years – she was one tough ‘cookie’ – just when you thought it may have beaten her she had an inner strength and toughness to beat it over again – she loved being one of Dr Mitra’s longest surviving patients – she wore that as a badge of honour.  She refused to ‘give up’ and was only been able to do so through the support of Ted, family members, some wonderful doctors and numerous friends in Mornington, Melbourne and interstate. During Easter 2009,       Mum expressed to the family that ‘she had simply had enough’ and that she no longer had the will or desire to fight the cancer and go through further treatment and wanted our support in discontinuing her treatment and to let nature take its natural course. We are very proud of the way that we as a family handled that situation – we simply supported her 100% - how on earth could we have asked her to continue when she had in fact battled this insidious decease for 30 years – once she said she didn’t want to ‘battle’ any longer that was enough for us to say enough is enough and fully support her in any way we could. Looking back on this situation it could have in fact ‘fractured’ us but it didn’t – it in fact brought the family closer together.

The medical fraternity has some incredibly skilled and caring people who have kept Mum alive and given her the opportunity to share in many wonderful family times that she may otherwise have missed.  For that, we will always be indebted to: Dr Young (her GP), Dr Mitra (her Oncologist), Dr Perry (her Kidney specialist), Dr Johnson & Dr Grolaux (her Cardiologists) - they are professionals of the highest caliber and Dr Mitra, a master of his craft. In the last two days of her life Mum was also superbly looked after by the professional and caring staff at Beleura Hospital in Mornington – they showed Mum much compassion and dignity.

We wish to take this opportunity to thank the many friends, who live close by, and who have cared, loved and supported Mum throughout her life and in particular in this last couple of years as she battled not only cancer but also Macula Degeneration and wasn’t able to drive herself to her endless doctor’s appointments. For Ted and us girls to have special family friends, such as Loretta, Annette, Michelle, Barbara, Daryl, Annie and Michael your support and care for her  was greatly appreciated and something that will never be forgotten. Your love for Mum had no boundaries.

There are 3 very ‘special’ people that we as a family wish to acknowledge – As touched on earlier Mum had the opportunity to travel to many parts of the world with Ted over his working life and in doing so Mum came across 2 incredible people who have remained in constant and close contact with Mum once she returned to live in Mornington and they are – Lynne McIntosh and Chris Murray.  Both had incredible bonds with Mum and she really loved you both as if you were daughters – thank you Lynne for being here today and traveling down with Malcom from Sydney and we know that Mum will be in Chris’ thoughts in Queensland.  We very much appreciate the love and friendship that you have shown to Mum and to our family, especially through the period that she lost both Andrew and Marc, and your continued support in more recent times. Mum loved spending a few days with you Lynne when you visited a couple of months ago – your gentle loving nature was beautiful to witness. And then there is Michael Willey who Mum (and Ted) forged a wonderful bond with and enjoyed endless hours of trivia, cards, talking, discussing the news of the day and simply reflecting on life.  Michael visited Mum on her last day at hospital and Ted, Caroline and I all remarked on how Michael was like a third son to Mum – so Michael thank you for all the kindness you have shown Mum and Ted.  That bunch of poppies will remain in my thoughts      forever.

Mum also had a wonderful group of friends who lived in Melbourne but continued their friendships when Mum/Ted moved to Mornington over 30 years or so ago. You know who you are,         but special mentions to Jenny, Barbara, Betty and Gracie. You and your families have known and supported Mum for well over 50 years and your friendships are truly irreplaceable not only to Mum and Ted but to the wider family.

To the staff, both present and past, at Tobin Brothers your support of our family has been emphatic not just in recent times but throughout the 22 years I have worked there  and in particular during the tough and difficult times that our family have experienced over these last 5 years.  Tobin Brothers is a wonderful organisation and I firmly believe its people     are     its greatest strength.

And to Frances Tobin, thank you in co-ordinating today’s service and for your special friendship to not only me but also to my family. Mum enjoyed many occasions with us both and always enquired after you and the boys.

In conclusion we children wish to acknowledge the love, dedication and care that Ted has shown to Mum and us over the 40 odd years of their marriage – he was a game man taking Mum, Andrew, Susan, Marc and myself on and of course they went on to share the delight of also having and raising Caroline. Like any marriage that has lasted such a long time they have had some incredible highs and some shattering lows but one thing has never waned and that is Ted’s everlasting love and support of Mum. Mum and Ted were determined that Mum would remain at home for as long as possible before having to go to hospital and Ted fulfilled his promise remarkably with no consideration for his own needs. There is no doubt that his tough exterior has been tested over these last few months and in particular this last week but he has been resilient and relentless in providing Mum with the care, love and attention that he promised her he would. We love you for that show of courage and strength and know that you will miss Mum immensely as we children will. We know that you will be cursing Mum not being there to help you finish the cryptic crossword every morning – she will, no doubt be shouting the answers down from heaven!

To Caroline, Bill and Charlie you have been amazing in your love and support of Mum and Ted and I know that I could not have got through the tough and testing times without your support and love – I am so proud of you and always know that I will love you.

Although my heart is broken Mum rest in peace and know that you will forever live on in the hearts of your family and friends!